Fish Puns & Jokes That Are So Brill-iant You’ll Be Kraken Up

Ready to have a whale of a time?

Time to reef of the fish puns and jokes.

Why did the musical shark sing the blues?
He’s got no sole.

What did the fish mathematician say?
Numbers are in-fin-ite.

What do fish teachers say to their students?
I’ve got to con-fish-cate your gum.

What’s the perfect fish father gift?
A barbecue gill!

What did the fish say when eels crashed his party?
The Moray the merrier!

Why did the fish get bad grades?
Because it was below sea level.

What kind of shows do baby fish watch?
Car-tunas.

What does the Loch Ness Monster eat?
Only fish-n-ships.

What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.

Where do fish keep their money?
In a river bank.

How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.

What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.

Why did the musical shark sing the blues?
He’s got no sole.

What did the fish mathematician say?
Numbers are in-fin-ite.

What do fish teachers say to their students?
I’ve got to con-fish-cate your gum.

What’s the perfect fish father gift?
A barbecue gill!

What did the fish say when eels crashed his party?
The Moray the merrier!

Why did the fish get bad grades?
Because it was below sea level.

What kind of shows do baby fish watch?
Car-tunas.

What does the Loch Ness Monster eat?
Only fish-n-ships.

What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish.

Where do fish keep their money?
In a river bank.

How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.

What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.

What do you get when you mix a banker with a great white?
A loan shark.

Who held the baby octopus for ransom?
Squidnappers!

What did the magician say to the fisherman?
Pick a cod, any cod!

What do you call a fish that has two knees?
A tunee fish.

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Tentacles.

How did the seahorse move so quickly?
He scalloped.

What kind of seafood do they serve in saunas?
Steamed mussels.

If fish lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland.

What do you call a smelly fish?
A stink ray.

What was the name of the fish that destroyed Japan?
Codzilla.

Who keeps the ocean clean?
Mermaids

Did you know that sharks can also squirt ink?
Just Squidding!

Where do teachers send fish who misbehave?
To the offish.

What was the Russia Tsar’s favorite type of fish?
Tsardines!

What did the shark’s friends tell her when she got dumped?
There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Have you ever met a shy fish?
They are very koi.

Why did the teenage fish get in trouble in class?
Because he was talking on his shell phone.

Why did the fish live at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of school.

Who was the standout musician in the fish band?
The bass player.

Why did the chef quit his job at the diner?
Because he had bigger fish to fry.

Who was the best employee at the balloon factory?
The blowfish.

The fish had a girlfriend, but he lobster.
Then he flounder.

Did you hear about the chef in that extremely busy seafood restaurant?
He had a lox on his plate.

If you can think of a better fish pun…
Let minnow.

Some people don’t like fish puns
But they are kraken me up.

Where is a fish in orbit?
Trouter space.

Why was the fish given detention?
Because he was being too shellfish.

Did you hear about the newlywed shark couple?
They are swimming along nicely.

That big mouth bass got caught by a fisherman.
Now he is in a real boatload of trouble.

Did you hear about the illiterate fisherman?
He was lost at C.

I don’t always make fish puns.
But when I do, I do it just for the halibut.

Did you try out that new seafood restaurant?
I’m hooked.

What do you tell a fish when it’s overreacting?
You need to clam down.

What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.

What is written on fish currency?
In cod we trust.

Why is seafood healthy?
It’s really good for the mussels.

What is the most expensive fish?
A goldfish.

What are fish that engage in organized crime called?
Lobsters.

What is a fish’s favorite television show?
Tuna Half Men.

What is a fish’s favorite song?
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you drown.

When was the fish free?
Any day barramundi.

What did the boss say to his employee?
Cod I borrow you for five minutes?

How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell a whale of a tale.

Why did the octopus cross the road?
To get to the other tide.

What do fish need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea.

Why did the fish go to Hollywood?
He wanted to be a starfish!

Where do fish sleep?
In water beds.

What fish only swims at night?
A starfish!

What do you call a fish in a tuxedo?
Very so-fish-ticated.

What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.

How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance.

Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.

Did you hear about the goldfish who went bankrupt?
Now he’s a bronze fish.

How did the fish find the World Wide Web?
In a Net.

What happens when you put Nutella on fish?
You get salmonella.

Did you hear about the fight in the kitchen?
A fish got battered.

Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco?
He pulled a muscle.

What do you call a fish that knows addition?
An Octoplus.

What’s the best fish to call when you need a ride?
A seahorse.

What party game do fish like to play?
Salmon Says.

What fish goes up the river at 100mph?
A motor pike!

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
He prawned everything!

Where do female fish keep their money while they’re swimming?
In an octurpurse.

Where are most fish found?
Between the head and the tail!

Why don’t lobsters ever pay retail?
Because they are Sale-fish.

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
On squid row!

What kind of fish plays the guitar?
Bassist

What do you call an underwater transformer?
Octopus Prime.

What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish!

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!

Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty!

What part of a fish weighs the most?
It’s scales!

What game do fish like playing the most?
Name that tuna!

Where do fish go to do yoga?
The river bend

What do naked fish play with?
Bare-a-cudas!

What kind of fish do you ask to screw in a light bulb?
An electric eel.

What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
He got lockjaw!

Where do fish take a bath?
In a river basin!

What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab?
Snappy answers.

How do fish go into business?
They start on a small scale!

What do you get when you cross a mink with an octopus?
A coat of arms.

Which day do fish hate?
Fry-day!

What do you call a fish that can give you a face-lift?
A plastic Sturgeon.

What do you call an underwater social network?
Fishbook.

How did the marine mollusk get into college?
Apparently it got in on a scallop-ship!

List of Fish Jokes

What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!

Why did Sally go to the lake after her brothers teased her?
To fish for compliments.

What’s the best way to catch a fish?
Have someone throw it at you.

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other,
“Do you know how to drive this thing?”

Why don’t fish play basketball?
They’re afraid of the net.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can’t walk.

What did the crayfish say to the lobster?
Who you calling a shrimp?

What kind of fish are in heaven?
Angelfish.

What does the pope eat during lent?
Holy mackerel!

Knock Knock Who’s there?
Fish!
Fish who?
Bless you.

What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
As far away as possible!

Word Play/Swap Ideas

As/bass: fish like to play bass-ketball.

Barfish: he left the party since he was feeling barfish.

Bullocks/Pollocks: bank robber fish have a lot of pollocks.

Brilliant/Brill-iant: should we swim away from this net? Brill-iant idea!

Certainly/Sardinely: sardinely, sir. I’ll get right on that!

Could/Cod: Cod you please stop making so many puns?

Coy/Koi: she enjoyed being a little koi.

Cuddle/Cuttle: cuddlefish are so affectionate.

Debate/Debait: scholarly fish love debait!

Dive: the fish’s marriage had taken a dive.

El/Eel: he took the eel-a-vator.

Eel/I’ll: Eel see you after work.

Fan/Fin: he’s a soccer fin-atic.

Fi/Fin: the tuna demands total fin-delity.

Fis/Fish: the river bank demands fish-cal responsibility.

God/Cod: my Cod you’re stubborn!

Gil/Gill: he was found gill-ty.

Girl/Gill: she’s the gill of my dreams!

Had/Haddock: I’ve haddock with this job!

Harp/Carp: he had to harp on him about missing school.

Headache/Haddock: this isn’t worth the haddock.

Hearing/Herring: you’re not herring me!

Hell Of It/Halibut: just thought he’d check, for the halibut.

Ill/Gill: I hope you get over your gillness! Are you OK? You’re looking very gill.

In/Fin: no one at the school wanted to get fin-volved.

It’s Cool/School: school, you can pay me back on Friday.

Meant/Manta: he manta compliment you.

More/Moray: the moray you school, the better your grades will be.

Mull It/Mullet: mullet over and get back to me.

My Nose/Minnows: minnows tells me something is fishy. I just had to stick minnows into their business.

Pacifist/Paci-fish-t: he won’t fight you. He’s a paci-fish-t.

Re/Real/Reel: the reel-ality is that puns are hilarious. It’s been reel fun, but I gotta go fish. Trust me, I’m a reel estate agent.

Reef: he hung a Christmas reef on the door.

Sad/Shad: why so shad? Don’t be shad, I brought cookies!

School: you have been schooled by my wicked fin-ish!

Selfish/Shellfish: you should share your good fortune. Don’t be shellfish!

Se/See/Sea: don’t be so sea-nsitive. Why don’t you sea a solution?

Sole/Shoal: the shoals of my shoes are worn out.

Soul/Sole: that song has real sole. Angelfish don’t have to worry about the state of their soles.

Surgeon/Sturgeon: he studied hard in school and became a brain sturgeon.

Struggle/Flounder: he floundered with this decision.

Someone/Salmon: will salmon please help me! Everyone should have salmon special in their lives. Create your own fish pun, don’t leave it to salmon else.

Tense/Tench: you look so tench.

Thank/Tank: I tank you for all your hard work.

Thing/Fin: tank you for your concern, but no-fin is bothering me. Some-fin is very fishy around here.

Thin/Fin: did you lose weight? You look so fin!

Thought/Trout: I trout you were supposed to bring the fish!

Troll/Trawl: ugh, I hate going online. So many trawls!

Katherine Morgan

Hey, there! I'm Katherine from Northwest Florida. I've kept aquariums for over two decades, enjoy experimenting with low-tech planted setups and an avid South American cichlid enthusiast.
Katherine Morgan

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